My heart sank tonight.
I learned of a friend’s friend, who I’ve met once or twice, who went missing after a night out with friends this weekend – at the moment only his jacket recovered, in Lake Michigan. Reminiscent of an all too familiar situation. My heart, thoughts and whatever I deem a prayer goes out to his friends and family – I hope his story turns out to be one of joy.
It’s been five and half years since Luke died.
Five and half years. How has so much time passed already? My heart still hurts. Hurts for the life he didn’t get to finish living, hurts for the moments he’s already missed, hurts for Patti and Jerry, hurts for Ben and my other ‘brothers’, it still aches. By now, I think everyone has found a way to live with the void that he left – in some way or another. Not that it is easier or any less painful – you just get used to it. It’s like that Charles M. Schultz quote, “I think I’ve discovered the secret of life – you just hang around until you get used to it”.
I don’t think that time heals all wounds – some are cut just too deep. Yes, there are ‘positive’ things that grew out of this situation – yet only because sometimes they have to. You have to attribute some meaning to something senseless, cruel and unfair. Feeling the connection and love I have for the Magic family and the people I grew up with grow, learning the lesson that at 22 I was not youthfully invincible – I was human, being incredibly lucky to have such wonderful people in my life, learning to tell my friends and family how much they mean to me every chance I get, realizing my life is a privilege not a right, needing to live it to its potential … I just wish Luke didn’t have to die for me to understand these things.
and Luke’s death hasn’t been the only one cut far too short – Paige, Christina, Darryl, Holly… Each one a reminder that life knows no rules, no fairness – it just is.
What is it? What is this one life we live? What does it matter? Is it cruel and unforgiving? Is it full of grace? Something in between?
Some people go their whole lives not realizing the preciousness of just breathing every day. It isn’t a given. We are guaranteed nothing but the moment in which we are living.
*I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow
And each road leads you where you want to go